why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
