my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
