My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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