Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
