i just had sex bonerless
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
