yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
