She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
