im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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