You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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