Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
