So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
