The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
