They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
