I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
