WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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