I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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