I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
