She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
