It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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