I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
