trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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