I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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