my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
