Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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