laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
