A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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