God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
