I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
