i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
