dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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