Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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