Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
