Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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