Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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