i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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