I met the friendliest cop last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
