based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
