I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
