I murdered the dance floor call the cops
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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