I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
