it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
