The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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