If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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