why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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