we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would fuck him just for his dog
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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