drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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