70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
