Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
