So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
