Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
