Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every concussion has its silver lining
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
