i wish starbucks made bloody marys
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
