I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
