At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
