I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
